Things that make me smile~

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

weekly glimpse #3

Sunday, December 29, 2013
lunch one day this week - baked potatoes (sweet and normal) with sauteed mushrooms and spinach. YUM.

currently reading: Scarlet by Marissa Meyer (Book Two in the Lunar Chronicles)
listening to: Xin laugh and exclaim while watching Predator with wireless headphones on. The rumble of the air-conditioner.
watching: aside from the odd bit of Predator right now, I've been rewatching Cardcaptors for about the 8th time. Yes, I love it that much. All CCS merchandise welcome here :P
food: breakfast today - two pieces of gf toast with organic peanut butter, handful of blueberries and half a glass of almond milk. Delicious.
writing?: honestly not much at all lately. it is beginning to bother me. but much reading getting done!

general... (inspired by Havi)
the hard
: coping with symptoms while away from home (note: I have been housesitting this week, looking after two lovely kitties. check my instagram if you want to see many photos of cats. XD)
: not sleeping very well because of cats meowing and attacking the bedroom door... having to get up to spray said cats with water so they go away for awhile...
: feeling super tired during the day because of the above, so being a bit grumpy with people around me... feeling guilt because of that. a breath for needing time to rest.
: finding out that Centrelink wanted me to report on a different, much earlier day too late and now having to worry about money being cut off. a breath for feeling financially insecure and worthless.
: realising that I haven't been writing in over two weeks and feeling frustrated and hurt by my own issues. a breath for needing to confront yourself.

the good
: cats! I forgot how much I missed having cats. and getting to meet a friend's kitten shortly before cat-sitting was so lovely, too. A week of kittehs!
: despite feeling unwell, I have been feeling better overall. a breath for movement and trust.
: exercise! I have been getting it! The house we have been looking after is really close to some shops, so we've been walking there instead of driving, and I have been doing yoga every day as well. :)
: despite not writing this week, I have been loving reading and being gentle with myself. watching CCS has been great and really uplifting, and the book I got for Christmas from my parents was read in one day. a smile for feeling happy and relaxed.
: time with Xin! we have watched movies (Hellboy 2, The Hobbit) and done grocery shopping together and just generally been enjoying each other's company. a smile for feeling happy and supported.
: bonus point - time with family and friends! I have had a lovely week seeing family and friends, and playing many board games and video games and just generally feeling happy to be around my loved ones. a breath for knowing your place in the world.

what i want for next week...
~gentle easing back into life at home - zero cats, but time with my gorgeous Bronte!
~time writing; finding inspiration for writing (anyone know good books or guides that made you feel inspired to write? please share below!)
~time spent rediscovering the magic. joy.
~reading time abounds! (re-ask)
~eating foods that support my body and make me feel good.

mantra? I feel relaxed and capable. All is supporting me.

Merry Christmas :)

Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Hi guys! No matter whether you celebrate something this time of year, I hope you are smiling today.
I am reading away trying to get Aurealis stuff done right now, while also house-sitting, and am feeling pretty good. I thought for a little fun I'd link in an incredibly confusing and adorable Christmas song by Kpop band, Crayon Pop :)
Enjoy!


weekly glimpse #2.

Sunday, December 22, 2013
breakfast one day this week: coconut water, fruit salad and a gf raspberry friand :3

currently reading: Lexicon by Max Barry (Aurealis Entry)
listening to: Who You? and Crooked by G-Dragon
watching: Xin playing The Last of Us
food: sweet cacao nibs, almonds, and green grapes
drinking: water with fresh orange~
writing?: not much lately. a few blogs cooking in my mind, otherwise focusing on Aurealis stuff!

general... (inspired by Havi)
the hard
: the appointment I mentioned last week? Yeh. It wasn't extremely helpful and I realised I'd gotten my hopes up for nothing. needing to slow down for this.
: ended up having a surprise appointment on the same day as the other long-awaited appointment. it turned out fine, but still - a breath for feeling rushed and uncertain and unprepared.
: after the long-awaited appointment and the not-so-long-awaited appointment were over, I experienced a horrible crushing moment of breakdown and deep sadness. a breath for losing hope.
: because of the above, I had to go through a lot of stuff I thought I was okay with, and some stuff that I'm definitely not okay with. a gentle sigh for dealing with insecurities.
: not being able to sleep a few nights this week because of stomach and/or head pain. this is okay, but leaves me fairly unwell the next day.

the good
: I had so much support this week, and it reminded me that I can rely on those in my life when I need to. I am admittedly still dealing with this - there are too many issues associated - but I am feeling better about it.
: even though the person at the appointment wasn't able to offer answers, they did give me a herbal treatment to try and an appointment for a procedure that might give me some answers.
: I'm looking after two cute kitties right now, and they are quirky and lovely.
: I am also getting lots of time with Xin lately, too, which is wonderful.
: Reading is excellent. Always.

what i want for next week...
~ gentleness while I deal with what's coming up
~ the strength to confront what IS coming up, and to try to let it go
~ a spirit of play, so I can be playful while dealing with things that hurt
~ reading time abounds! (re-ask)

mantra? I am strong, capable, and safe. I am healthy and healed.

On trying not to be disappointed.

Please note: I started this post on Tuesday evening, but wasn't sure how or what to write. I wanted everything to flow organically, so I allowed myself time to process everything so I could write properly.

I had an appointment today that I have been waiting for since about October. I had been trying to avoid getting hopeful or fearful of the appointment, despite what it could possibly mean for my health and the possibilities of getting better.

I don't really want to talk about the appointment or the specific details of what was talked about, but let me just say that ultimately I was disappointed. There was very little that the person could do for me, and although they were very kind and caring, I felt frustrated and vulnerable.

I managed to keep myself together until Xin had brought me home, but after that I broke down. Twelve years worth of tests, poking and prodding, fear, pain, and countless medical appointments, and it was just all a little too much. I try to remain positive and optimistic about everything that's happening - or at the very least, calm and adaptive - but sometimes I just can't keep doing it anymore. Particularly when something I was hoping would provide answers ends up providing virtually nothing.

I now feel a bit stronger for the experience, but I have to acknowledge that all that pain and hurt came from somewhere - and that was within me. I am still getting triggered quite easily, and feel quite emotionally cut open. The disappointment I felt? That was because of an expectation I placed on the appointment without realising it. I was looking for answers - a way to cut short my fear - and that wasn't coming.

I don't pretend to provide answers for this sort of thing, but I am learning (just like everyone else) and I believe that by sharing my experience I may help others. And so I'm just going to say this: if you feel disappointed, give yourself time to think over it, time to get close to it, time to understand where it's coming from. And then, from there, try to let it's root cause go. Try to unwind and unpick it until you can move on. But don't do it before it's ready. Before you're ready. And allow yourself to set those terms, not anyone else. Because one of the scariest places to go is within.

Love to all who read.

Book Review: Wild by Cheryl Strayed

Wednesday, December 18, 2013
I love reading. Books are amazing. They are a form of escapism, yes, but they are also inspiration, joy, and... well. Goodness. I think in some ways I have used my appetite for reading to define parts of my personality, so it made sense for me to review some of what I read! Here we go...



Title: Wild
Author: Cheryl Strayed

Synopsis: "At twenty-six, Cheryl Strayed thought she had lost everything. In the wake of her mother's rapid death from cancer, her family grew apart and her marriage soon crumbled. With seemingly nothing to lose, she made the most impulsive decision of her life: to walk eleven-hundred miles of the west coast of America - from the Mojave Desert, through California and Oregon, and into Washington State - and to do it alone. She had no experience of long-distance hiking and the journey was nothing more than a line on a map. But it held promise - a promise of piecing together a life that lay shattered at her feet.

Strayed's account captures the agonies - both physical and mental - of her incredible journey; how it maddened and terrified her, and how, ultimately, it healed her. Wild is a brutal memoir of survival, grief and redemption - a searing portrayal of life at its lowest ebb and at its highest tide."

My thoughts: I don't normally seek out books based on hiking. Really, I don't. I never really expected to read a book on hiking, and yet here I am.
Often I talk about how fantasy novels are so good at helping you to disappear into an alternate world, but clearly I had not read enough non-fiction books like this. When I picked up this book I needed a break from fantasy - just for a little while - and I disappeared into this entirely. Strayed is a wonderful writer - she is honest without being too blunt, describes things with such beauty that it's like you're there with her, and she writes in such a way that I felt welcomed into her world, and interested in everything that happened to her on her journey.

As you can probably tell from the synopsis, the book follows Srayed's journey along the Pacific Crest Trail, but it does more than that. Strayed jumps back and forth between her experiences on the trail and earlier experiences detailing the death of her mother, estrangement of her family, and the breakdown of her marriage. Some might find the very simple way that she writes about these things as perhaps cold or aloof, but I found it refreshing. Strayed has clearly had a lot of time to think and feel over everything that has happened, and the level of emotion and clarity she brings to her writing is gentle and touching.

Reading this not only renewed my love of reading different genres (even if I will be reading plenty of fantasy in the next month or so [and enjoying it, don't worry]), but introduced me to a whole new fascination with non-fiction books. I have since started looking at some of the non-fiction books on my shelves with new interest, and I am hoping to get my hands on Cheryl Strayed's Tiny Beautiful Things at some point so I can dive back into her welcoming writing.

The only issue I had with this book was I found the ending to be a bit sudden, and I think I would have enjoyed a little more about her life after hiking the PCT.

You would like this book if: You feel like something a bit different - something to get you out of that rut; you like books about hiking and life.

Rating:  8/10

If you'd like to keep up to date with what I'm reading, follow me on Goodreads here!

weekly glimpse.

Sunday, December 15, 2013
gin and tonic on a Friday night~

currently reading: Wild by Cheryl Strayed
listening to: 12 Zodiacs by Leehom Wang & 1mm by Perfume
watching: Avatar: The Last Airbender, Book of Fire.
food: mango
drink: hydration central! tea, coconut water, normal water...
writing?: an article for someone, constructing a new story in my mind...

general... (inspired by Havi)
the hard 
: feeling flustered about an appointment coming next week, and all the emotions that come along with that expectation/dread.
: I felt tired all week this week. Naps slowly crawled back into my daily routine, and I'd still sleep about 9 hours each night. Obviously my body needed to heal from something.
: persistent migraine symptoms which made me feel absolutely wretched.
: desperately wanting gentle den time to make up for how busy I was last week. This might also explain the tiredness...
: being absolutely entrenched in my stuff on Wednesnight. a breath for feeling lost and emotionally frozen.

the good
: getting stuff done during the week - even if it was just doing the dishwasher or hanging out washing, I got stuff done! achievement!
: finally resuming my Japanese revision, and really enjoying it. I love speaking in Japanese, despite feeling super shy about speaking it to an actual Japanese person O_o
: the book I've been reading this week is amazing. I have stayed up a bit later than usual some nights just to read more. delight.
: my new candle smells of orange peel and is just so beautiful and somehow Christmassy. I love it.
: on that note, holiday happiness! wrapping presents and decorating our new (half-the-size-of-our-old-one) Christmas tree and baking gf vegan gingerbread cookies for the first time. bliss.

what I want for next week...
~the strength to ask the questions I need to as a professional patient
~reading time abounds!
~gentle reconnection with my purpose
~I remember now about how I am so loved!

mantra? I choose what is best for my body, regardless of outside influence.


Youtube Hiatus

Friday, December 13, 2013
This is just a short post to talk about why I haven't put up a youtube video in awhile (about three months now I think?).
And, really, I'd like to say that I had a definite answer for that, but I don't really. I love the community on Youtube, and the Booktube community in particular is wonderful and interesting and inspiring. But I just found myself feeling like all the things I had to do were a chore, rather than something I enjoyed - like writing on my blog.
After I finished my assignments for the semester, I assumed I'd go straight back as soon as I had some spare time. But then I just felt too sick to even set up the camera, and I didn't look too fantastic either. I needed sleep and self-care, so I dedicated myself to that.
And then I noticed that I just wasn't watching things on Youtube that much anymore - even WATCHING videos became a bit of a chore, and I couldn't bring myself to log on as often as I used to.

I don't plan on getting rid of my Youtube account, as I may go back sometime, but I am happiest when I am planning and writing blog posts, to be honest. And organising my next book or tea review. So I'm going to go back to focusing on that so I can get the most joy out of what I do.

Love to all who read.

Animal Crossing: New Leaf

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

This isn't a review. I'm just going to put that here, because honestly? I haven't played my copy of Animal Crossing: New Leaf in a couple of weeks now and so I don't know if a review is really the thing I need right now.

This is just going to be some thoughts on the game...

I love this game, but only to varying degrees. I find I tend to go hot and cold on it from day-to-day - some days I am all over it and just can't get enough of fishing, catching bugs, and digging up fossils. Other days I really couldn't care less what new deal Tommy or Timmy are flogging or whether the raccoon that is in charge of my home loans thinks I ought to try getting a bigger house.

This game is quite addictive, and I find many of the small details ridiculously charming - Cap'n singing me his cute little sea shanties as he takes me over to the island, or how the villagers tilt their heads to the side and look puzzled whenever they ask you a question. But there's a dark side to this game - particularly if you haven't played it for a long time and then go back to check how things are going. The last time I hopped into my little town to check out the streetpass houses (streetpass: 3DS jargon for when my little console communicates with someone else's), I received a letter to find that one of my favourite villagers had skipped town while I'd been gone, and then was accused of not liking half the villagers because I hadn't talked to them in awhile. It felt like some strange high school drama and that made me want to play it less, interestingly.

So, I guess, in this game - if you're playing it regularly, then the addiction can be awesome. If you're not, it just makes you feel bad if you pick it up again. Which do you choose?

This post was brought to you by my viewing of the Zero Punctuation review of this game, found here. Please note: Yahtzee (the game reviewer) is extremely funny, but does curse and make extremely lewd comparisons in his reviews. I find it hilarious, but you may not. You have been warned!

Good Readin'

Sunday, December 8, 2013
A few amazing and wonderful blog posts have been popping up lately, and I really thought that people reading my blog would like to read them! So here's a little round-up of the loveliness...


  1. Candice from Choose Health Love Life posted today about the 29 lessons she has learnt on her 29th birthday - it's a wonderful read. I especially love the parts about following your dreams, not needing everyone to like you, and letting dogs on the bed!
  2. Leonie from LeonieDawson.com wrote an energising post called  How To Never Ever Get Where You Want To Be - it's almost all sarcasm, but it got my butt in gear!
  3. A link I found via the gorgeous Gala Darling that gave me many warm fuzzies: 61 Quotes That Will Make You Feel Beautiful
  4. Kiriko Kikuchi wrote an excellent reminder post that I refer back to regularly: 10 Questions To Help You Figure Out Who You Are Right Now
  5. Leo Babauta of zenhabits wrote an excellent post to help people to stay mindful: 12 Indispensable Mindful Living Tools
  6. And, finally, for something of the viewing persuasion rather than the reading persuasion, Ashley from HeyThere005 posted this video about what it means to be beautiful:

All of the above items are so gorgeous and gave me a lift when I needed it. It just goes to show that we are surrounded by so many inspiring and creative people! How wonderful.

Love to all who read!

Book Review: Stuff I've Been Reading by Nick Hornby

Thursday, December 5, 2013
I love reading. Books are amazing. They are a form of escapism, yes, but they are also inspiration, joy, and... well. Goodness. I think in some ways I have used my appetite for reading to define parts of my personality, so it made sense for me to review some of what I read! Here we go...




Title: Stuff I've Been Reading
Author: Nick Hornby

Synopsis: "Every month in the Believer magazine Nick Hornby notes down and writes about the Books he has Bough and the Books he has Read. Anyone with even half an interest in books will appreciate that the two columns rarely match up. Strangers press books on him, reviews suggest a new title is unmissable, one book leads to another...

Stuff I've Been Reading is less a collection of reviews than the diary of a life lived with books - books about the old East German secret police and the North Korean police state, books about Celine Dion and Charles Dickens, books about climate change and monogamous sex and the banking crisis, in fact all kinds of books that just happen to have taken the author's fancy.

Nick Hornby is the kind of reader we all aspire to be: enthusiastic but discerning, settled on some favourites but curious about the new, an altogether eager guide through a multitude of great books. Be warned though: read Stuff I've Been Reading and your own Books Bought column is bound to rocket."

My thoughts: It wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why I picked this up. I love books, but, more importantly, I love books about reading. Some people find it to be an odd quirk that I often find myself looking around for books about reading and squealing with excitement when I find one.
On top of that, I have bought and read (and reread and reread) the previous collection of Nick Hornby's columns - 'The Complete Polysyllabic Spree' and absolutely adore it. So when I read that another collection was coming out, I promptly picked a copy up for myself.

Reading this was like being embraced in a big hug and I absolutely welcomed it. Pretty much all my reading time is taken up by Aurealis Awards nominations now, and taking a self-enforced holiday from that to read something I was super excited about was so wonderful.

Nick Hornby has a style of writing that feels familiar and welcoming without being saccharine. His choice of reading in this book was extremely varied, and I found at times that I was completely confused as to what these books were and where he had found them, but I was nonetheless intrigued by what he had to say about them. I would say that was one of the only drawbacks for me - Hornby clearly has different tastes to me in certain cases, and so I found myself reading about things that I wouldn't normally touch with a ten-foot pole. But he made it worth it.

I have to say that, if you're not a bit of a bibliophile like myself, you may not enjoy this book. You may find it confusing and perhaps even a pointless venture. But for someone with a love of books that never seems to vanish, even when they have over forty books to read in the next couple of months? This book is like coming home, or perusing a beautiful library with a witty guide telling you about each book. I hope Hornby puts out another.

You would like this book if: You love books with every fibre of your being; you have a touch of bibliophilia.

Rating:  9/10

If you'd like to keep up to date with what I'm reading, follow me on Goodreads here!

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