wellbeing vs withdrawing

Sunday, April 28, 2013
chilling on my rainbow rug

When health, whether physical or mental, becomes more than just a factor to consider but a defining feature in how you live your life, difficult decisions often arise.
Sometimes it seems like the questions you ask yourself are never-ending, and having a satisfactory answer feels impossible.

Some of the questions I have had to face up to include:
  • Am I running away from dealing with social situations (ie. this party, that music concert) because I can't cope with anxiety, or is it that I need to rest because of some 'real' (this word is difficult) health issue?
  • Does staying home mean I'm lazy or genuinely sick?
  • Am I trying to escape this particular person/situation, or am I trying to do what is best for my own wellbeing?
As I write this, I recognise that a lot of these are very similar questions, but they come down to a very basic insecurity - am I doing what is right?

When I am stuck in this insecurity and feeling vulnerable and frantic, everything can seem a lot harder and like I'm doing everything wrong. Often the first step in this is to distance myself from this frantic energy and feel calm.

After that, I remember that letting 'shoulds' and other people's opinions (or my imagined ideas of what 'other people' might think) colour my perception is not the right way to go about things. That way lies more frantic energy, and possibly a mini (or mega) meltdown. 

Weighing the options comes next, and also listening to what my body is trying to say to me. Often I can figure out when anxiety is standing in the way rather than an actual real need for rest. If I can't, more calming energy is needed - deep breaths, noticing my surroundings, maybe even reading for a little while. 

Really, what it comes down to is recognising what I need, and what experience is going to serve me best at that point in time. This varies day-to-day, and from person to person. While I may choose to stay home from a social event because I decided I need rest more, another person may decide to go to the party because social interaction is what they need more.

A lot of the issues I mentioned above feed in to other anxieties of mine (including the fact that I don't 'look sick' to most people), but I like to think that over time I have become more effective at deciding what is best for me in each situation. And I am lucky that I have a great support network that understands when I need rest.

If you should ever get into a situation like this where you're winding yourself up into a tight knot over a question, just remembering the breathing and distancing yourself from it DOES help. And remember that, regardless of those 'shoulds' in your head, YOU are the only one that can make decisions about your experiences.

Love to all who read.


Book Review: Flame of Sevenwaters by Juliet Marillier

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Title: Flame of Sevenwaters
Author: Juliet Marillier

Summary: 'Maeve, daughter of Lord Sean of Sevenwaters, was badly burned as a child and carries the legacy of that fire in her crippled hands. After ten years she's returning home, having grown into a courageous, forthright woman with a special gift for gentling difficult animals. But while her body's scars have healed, her spirit remains fragile, fearing the shadows of her past.
Sevenwaters is in turmoil. The fey prince Mac Dara has become desperate to see his only son, who is married to Maeve's sister, return to the Otherworld. To force Lord Sean's hand, Mac Dara has caused a party of innocent travelers on the Sevenwaters border to vanish - only to allow their murdered bodies to be found one by one.
When Maeve finds the body of a missing man in a remote part of the woods, she and her brother, Finbar, embark on a journey that could bring about the end of Mac Dara's reign - or lead to a hideous death. If she is successful, Maeve may open the door to a future she has not dared to believe possible.'

My thoughts: Please note that this is the sixth book in a series. With that in mind, I won't say much of the previous books (or, indeed, much about what happens in this one) to avoid spoilers. Know, though, that I am a huge fan of this series and have always adored the strong characters in these books.
As you can see from the summary, this book has some gruesome and difficult aspects to it. Particularly in regards to Maeve's disability. The story is narrated by Maeve and, throughout, we are able to see her thoughts plainly written on the page. I found Marillier's portrayal of a girl dealing with the limitations of her disability quite accurate, and, while sometimes her actions and words frustrated me, Maeve definitely showed how much her hands (and resulting damaged spirit) affected her.
During the course of the book, I found I could figure out SOME of what was going to happen before it did, but, for me, that made it no less enjoyable. There were also enough twists and turns to keep me feeling like I was being taken on a journey, and I loved that.
As with many of the other Sevenwaters books, I was repeatedly drawn in here by the connections to druidry and belief in something 'other'. Each book that comes out gives me something new to ponder, and I really truly hope that she will come out with a seventh one for this series.
One issue I did have this time round is that it took me a little while to get into this one (three separate reading attempts). This may have been a reflection of my state of mind when trying to read, but it disappeared as soon as I was a bit further into the book.

Rating: 8.5/10

Keep up with what I'm reading here!

Tea Review: Sakura Latte

Sunday, April 21, 2013
Sakura Latte

picture taken on my phone!

A different kind of tea today, as it's actually a premix. While I normally avoid these simply because I find I can't always tell what's in them, I put aside those fears for this one since I LOVE everything sakura-related (cherry blossoms are awesome!). This comes in a small sachet weighing in at 104g and has a pink-coloured grainy powder inside.

Initial thoughts: This tea immediately produces a gorgeous floral scent upon the addition of hot water, and turns a cute pale pink colour. The first taste mimics its scent - floral and light - whilst also tasting a little (only a tiny bit) soapy because of the powder form it comes in. I admit that I was expecting this to taste horrible, but it's absolutely gorgeous.

Taste: Very light, almost fruity at times, but mostly floral. Can taste a bit soapy at times, but I am happy to get over that for the novelty of drinking Sakura tea! For a more indulgent taste, add milk to the powder instead of water and then heat in a microwave for about a minute (this also works with soymilk for the dairy-conscious, although I have a feeling the mix contains milk powder!).

Colour: Very pale pink. If allowed to sit, will produce little clouds of white on top like a foam.

Recommendations and thoughts: As this comes in quite a small package (all the way from Japan!), I would recommend saving this for a treat or special occasions. I ordered it especially to have on my favourite anime characters birthday on April 1st (Sakura Kinomoto from Cardcaptor Sakura, for those who are wondering) and I couldn't be happier with the result.
Please mind that this may contain dairy and gluten - I am unsure as the ingredients are in Japanese and my Japanese isn't that good! As for as I can see, it does have some sort of creaming powder in it...

Overall rating: 4 out of 5 cups. This rating is very personal, however, because of my love of sakura. Nonetheless, a great treat for those who would like to try something a bit different.

Price: I bought mine from Jbox (a favourite website of mine for all things Japanese) and it cost $8USD plus some postage (I don't remember how much as I bought a few other things besides - sorry!). It's still available here! So, if you're interested, go try it out :)



Want me to review a tea? Let me know in the comment section below!

Butterfly-Elephant now has a Facebook page!

Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Please come along and 'like' the page, and share it around! :)

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Butterfly-Elephant-Blog/488948874493596

Love to all who read! :)

Book Review: Wildwood by Colin Meloy


Title: Wildwood
Author: Colin Meloy
Illustrator: Carson Ellis

Summary: 'Prue McKeel's life is ordinary. That is, until her brother is abducted by a murder of crows and taken to the Impassable Wilderness, a dense, tangled forest on the edge of Portland. So begins an adventure that will take Prue and her friend Curtis deep into the Impassable Wilderness. And what begins as a rescue mission becomes something much greater as the two friends find themselves entwined in a struggle for the very freedom of this wilderness. A wilderness the locals call Wildwood.'

My thoughts: On my recent trip to Margaret River, I broke my usual habit of buying at least two books while down there and only bought one - Wildwood. I had previously read a sample of the first two chapters or so on my Kindle and had decided that I would give it a go sometime.
I must admit that what first drew me to this book was simple aesthetic pleasure - I adore the illustrations done by Carson Ellis in this (and ON this) book, and they did much to improve my reading experience when I found myself bed-bound for a few days whilst reading this.
For me, this book was reminiscent of the great children's fantasy stories like The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis, or even Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Caroll. As you can see in the summary, it features two friends who end up wandering into a completely different world they never knew existed, and ending up in greater trouble than they thought possible.
I loved the characters in this book for their backgrounds, their descriptions, and what they stood for. Having said that, though, I sometimes found myself a bit unconvinced by their motivations to do certain things in the book. For example, early in the book (it is quite early, but for those who don't want to know anything, perhaps skip to the rating?) I was confused as to Curtis's real reasons for following Prue. The reasons he offered just seemed a bit wishy-washy - I felt like there needed to be more demonstration of emotional attachment and deliberation before these decisions could just be made. This, unfortunately, was a common theme throughout the book, which brought me down a little bit.
I also had some issues with things being left unresolved at the end of the book, but I feel that perhaps these things shall be addressed in the second book.
While I had my issues with this book, I did love the premise and the setting. I very nearly got completely lost in the world of Wildwood, and I adored that. I think I'll definitely give Under Wildwood a go - I still have the hunger for more.

Rating: 6.5/10

Keep up with what I'm reading over here!

Book Review: When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron

Monday, April 15, 2013

Title: When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
Author: Pema Chodron

Summary: 'There is a fundamental opportunity for happiness right within our reach, yet we usually miss it - ironically, while we are caught up in attempts to escape pain and suffering. Drawn from traditional Buddhist wisdom, Pema Chodron's radical and compassionate advice for what to do when things fall apart in our lives goes against the grain of our usual habits and expectations. There is only one approach to suffering that is of lasting benefit, Pema teaches, and that approach involves moving toward painful situations with friendliness and curiosity, relaxing into the essential groundlessness of our entire situation. It is there, in the midst of chaos, that we can discover the truth and love that are indestructible.
Included in the book are:
  • ways to use painful emotions to cultivate wisdom, compassion and courage
  • ways to communicate that lead to openness and true intimacy with others
  • practices for reversing our negative habitual patterns
  • methods for working with chaotic situations
  • ways to cultivate compassionate, energetic social action.'
My thoughts: In a way, my reading of this book was a continuation of my learning of the 'negative' approaches to happiness (please see my review of The Antidote here!), but it also stems from a personal interest in Buddhism. Pema Chodron presents her teachings in a very straight-forward manner, and doesn't get caught up in philosophy and complex ideals, which I really enjoyed.
Each chapter is a comfortable length and really encourages the reader to stop after each one to ponder it's meaning and how certain ideas could be applied to their life. In this way, it reminded me very much of some books written by the Dalai Lama - there was an element of gentle conversation throughout, rather than an overwhelming amount of information being thrown at you. There is also a feeling of humour underlying many of the teachings, and, along with Chodron's habit of drawing from her own  life experience, this makes the book's ideas seem more approachable.
At times, I did find I either couldn't quite follow what was being said or that I couldn't quite grasp what the teaching was trying to say to me, but I think this was more of a reflection of certain teachings feeling more relevant to me at the time of reading than others. Other times, however, I found myself rebelling against certain core Buddhist ideas - such as the cultivation of hopelessness. I understand the premise, but - call it human nature - I just can't give up on hope.
When Things Fall Apart is written in a friendly style (with the occasional statement that makes you stiffen with frustration or surprise) and gives you food for thought. A good read for anyone with an interest in Buddhism, or who feels like dipping back into the pool of 'negative' happiness.

Rating: 7.5/10

Keep up with what I'm reading over here!


Book Review: How to Read a Novelist by John Freeman

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Title: How to Read a Novelist
Author: John Freeman

Summary: 'John Freeman, author and editor of Granta magazine, has interviewed nearly every name in the world of literature. In this collection, Freeman has compiled the most insightful and fascinating of his interviews, essays and articles.
In How to Read a Novelist we encounter Paul Theroux on the state of sex in America, Margaret Atwood as inventor, John Updike as relationship advisor and Geoff Dyer as England's hippest middle-aged novelist, among many others including Jonathan Safran Foer, Philip Roth, Doris Lessing, Toni Morrison, David Foster Wallace, A. S. Byatt and Peter Carey.'

My thoughts: I had the rare opportunity with this book to meet the writer before I'd even decided I wanted to read his work. Yes, this is the first out of a pile of four books I bought at the 2013 Perth Writer's Festival - let the joy begin!
I remember finding John Freeman very interesting to listen to - his stage manner was very laid-back and gentle, without being boring. And that lends itself a lot to the way he interviews the authors included within this book. He occasionally feels a bit unsure of himself within the interviews, but, rather than taking away from the experience, this only enhances my interest in his work.
The authors he has chosen to include within this book are quite varied, and I must admit to not knowing who half of them were prior to beginning this book, but Freeman has such a way of making everything sound so interesting that I have added quite a few books to my to-read list (in my mind) that I wouldn't normally have approached.
Not only is Freeman himself interesting and captivating, but all the authors included in this book bring something amazing to it - I found myself trying so hard to ration this book toward the end (to no avail) and desperately wishing there was a second volume I could immediately jump into.
As a self-professed lover of books on reading and writing, I may well be deemed somewhat biased in this category, but I believe that even if someone were to pick up this book to just read about one or two authors, they would go away thinking about it for days.

My only nitpick? That it wasn't longer.

Rating: 9.5/10

Keep up with what I'm reading over here!

this week - sum uppance. :D

Saturday, April 6, 2013
taken on my phone ^_^

this week has been really interesting, and I feel like I've had a few breakthroughs, but also a few setbacks. I think what makes it such a good week is that I've noticed these things, too.

not-so-nice stuff

  • I had a kinda-sorta moment of almost-anxiety attack, and that was hard. it lead to a lot of negative emotion and just BHrgajfaslljbsdfhabrahh (the only way I can describe it currently) which I felt I couldn't get out of and that was really uncomfortable.
  • taking out said frustration on Xin and feeling even worse
  • TOO MANY EXPECTATION
  • super major skin attack of attackiness
  • super major hair attack of frizziness
  • fibromyalgia increase. ick.
  • questioning motives and drive and future. very sad time.

nice stuff
  • celebrating April 1st as Sakura Kinomoto's birthday instead of April Fool's Day. Lovely times of watching the second Cardaptors movie with Xin while sipping Sakura Latte and wearing my Sakura dressing gown.
  • Amazing time away from home in Margaret River, experiencing nature and rejuvenation and eating SO MUCH YUMMY FOOD and generally just feeling reconnected and calm
  • STILL enjoying study
  • current book giving me so many ideas for writing and reading in the future (will probably post a review later on!)
  • beautiful and funny videos on YouTube by Jenna Marbles and Bunny (grav3yardgirl)
  • SO MUCH CARDCAPTOR SAKURA
  • New anime series! :D Been so long.
  • lots of exciting things that I plan to do, and new developments to put in to practice

what could I do better next week?
I feel I need a bit more connection with myself: meditation, journalling, generally trying to think straighter (pretty hard sometimes). more living in the present moment.
I also think healthier behaviours are required - healthier diet, more regular sleep, more exercise.

what superpower would I like?
The superpower of boundaries - not just with relationships, but also with myself. Knowing when I need to take time out for myself, and not feeling guilty for needing to ask for that. :)

how was your week? what could you do better next week, or what superpower would you like to have?

love to all who read.
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