Photos from my Wednesday

Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Green smoothie, study, boyfriend, cake! All included in my Wednesday <3

accidents do happen

hello dearest blog,
in a little while I'll post some photos from today using my phone, but for now I just need to meander along my thought pathway to calm myself.
Xin ended up helping out with the aftermath of a car crash today, while I watched on from the sidewalk. A man was hit by a car and knocked off his pushbike - thankfully he was wearing a helmet so his head injuries weren't as serious as they could have been. He had quite a few bumps and scraps, but the most obvious injury was a severely broken ankle. His foot was going in a direction it most definitely shouldn't have been going. I could see the bone under the skin protruding at an angle that can only be described as unnatural. Xin was assisting by elevating said ankle, while another kind man held the bike rider to stop him from moving his spine.


I didn't witness the car crash, but I heard it. I didn't help with the aftermath, but I watched.


My thoughts are scattered right now - I'm finding it hard to reel them back in. I am capable of witnessing that I'm stressed about work tomorrow, and about the two essays I need to finish before 5pm on Friday, but these seem like minor inconveniences compared to the knot of anxiety forming in my stomach. I'm not entirely sure why I'm reacting this way - I wasn't particularly bothered by the sight of the injuries, and I am so proud of Xin for helping out and doing what I am unable to do because of my nervous/sensitive tendencies.


Perhaps that's the root of the problem - I wonder if I could have done what Xin did. Perhaps I don't have the strength of character or the bravery to walk up to someone and offer assistance. I somewhat arrogantly believe that I am good at helping people - at talking to them and listening to them compassionately. But perhaps this is an illusion created by my own ego so that I'm more comfortable with my existence.


I have this little voice at the back of my mind saying to me 'stop it! you're making someone else's problems all about you! how selfish!', but I don't heed. Because I can't keep moving with this knot in my stomach. I can't press on without consequences to my mental health (and, probably, my physical health). And, goodness knows, I'm dancing on a knife's edge with regards to my health lately.


There have been a lot of 'perhapses' in this post. I believe that journalling out my thoughts may help, but I think for now I'll try and meditate until I'm a bit calmer.


<3

wheeeeeeee

Tuesday, May 29, 2012
okay, I may be a bit crazy right now because HEY I MANAGED TO GET THROUGH TWO STRAIGHT DAYS OF TRAINING WOOOOOO so I apologise for random outbursts. They may happen.


This week is probably going to be relatively large, but I'm doing SO WELL with it so far that I'm just going with the flowwww. 
I'm really enjoying so many things. The training was actually REALLY GOOD. Even though I was learning about Microsoft Access for work, it was awesomely set out and I was enjoying it. The view from where I was sitting was freaking awesome, I got to have lunch in a lovely little Japanese place and really savoured my foods, I smiled at people as I walked to the bus to go home, I'm really getting in to the book I'm reading right now... And I've been helping people in my life! Being useful is such a wondrous feeling <3


And now, to some fun things that I've found through different mediums:


http://sugarcrisp.viewbook.com/album/sakuramadelica-2012#1 MANY pictures of cherry blossoms! :D


http://www.stoneandhoney.com/shop/rose-aura-gold-p-374.html WANT.


http://elisabethstone.blogspot.com.au/2011/06/minty-peach-tea.html sounds yummm <3


http://peppermintmag.com/tassie-hearts-hens/ yay for the love of chickens :D




And, finally, some pictures of cute things to get you suitably snuggly for the cold night...





Picture source: onetwo, and three

Love to all who read!



riding the merry-go-round

Monday, May 28, 2012
lately I seem to be going through a pattern. (well, before this weekend and then after it... oddly.) I am well for a day, and then really sick and tired for a day. I try to rest as much as possible, but it's not that feasible right now.. I'm just trying to go with the flow of things, but it's proving difficult.

today was one of my relatively well days, thankfully. I made the effort to see the beauty in the day, despite being surrounded by computers for the majority of it.
I saw beautiful rainbow lorikeets flying with each other and feeding on the flame trees. The sun was beautiful, even filtering through the train station at sunset.
Water became my best friend (yay water!) and I did my best to keep my body nourished and happy.

I won't say that today has been devoid of it's challenges, both physical and emotional, but I'm doing okay right now. And that makes me happy. Love to all who read <3

I was going to write a post.

Sunday, May 27, 2012
But I'm a bit too sick and I have training for work tomorrow. apologies. love to those who read <3

changes

Thursday, May 24, 2012
If you couldn't tell from my last post, there are huge changes going on with me lately. I'm mostly keeping it to myself as a small, precious thing, because I'm not quite sure about everything just yet. 
But there's lots of research behind the scenes, lots of study and lots of work (still!), and lots of healing and transformation going on. I'm having to remind myself to come back to 'me' so very often lately. I get caught up in stress and worry and then realise I just couldn't find my inner peace.
Because of that, I've been feeling even more drawn to work by Leonie and SARK - they have such colour and freedom in their art and books.


They make me feel more connected to myself, and remind me that I am working towards my dreams. Every day, I am trying to work towards them.

Finally, I want to leave you with an image I found tonight while editing my blog (like the new layout and such? I love it! XD) that just really resonated with me. love to all who read. <3




transition

Tuesday, May 22, 2012
I have been hurting. I have been torn. I have been trying so hard to make things 'right' when all they felt is wrong. I have tripped and fell and wondered if it was worth getting up again.


And now I realise - this is all a period of transition. I am stuck inside my too-tight cocoon, wondering what's going on, trying to figure out why I feel so alone, why I just want to lash out at those that care about me. Wondering if there's something wrong with me, and if I'll get through all the challenges in my path.


But, what if, all of this is just something I have to get through to reach the glorious newness? That beautiful transition to becoming someone who can fly through the air, spreading love and whatever else is needed. Because I followed the path as it fell before me, because I took the challenges and made my choices, and because I knew I was so much stronger than this.


Because I trust that none of this is in vain.


If I could do one thing right now, it would be to reach out to me-who-is-suffering and just say "enough. you are enough. anything extra is amazing." I want to write her a letter and just make sure she knows how much she is loved, how wonderful she is, and how her dreams aren't unattainable. To show her that the people around her are doing the best they can to make her see how wonderful she is, and that they aren't trying to shut her out - they just don't know how to handle what she's going through anymore then she does.


Love, you are not alone. You are worthy of doing what is RIGHT for you. You are enough.'


<3

dreaming.

Sunday, May 20, 2012
first of all, apologies for not writing more often lately. I've been super busy + sick, so spending a lot of my time either trying to rest or studying...or working... or, you know, eating and stuff... Also, our internet is only just barely working - having been on and off the last couple of days. I did intend to write blog posts the last couple of days, but have either been too exhausted or too crazed to do so.


dreaming... I have been thinking a lot on dreams lately. Not the kind that your subconscious teases you with in the middle of the night, or during that extra-long nap, but the kind that you want with every fibre of your being. And yet at the same time you're so terrified that if you go after it, you'll fall flat on your face.


Xin and I went to a lovely little event at Notre Dame last night - a talk done by my favourite artist, Shaun Tan. Shaun is so lovely and unassuming, so introverted and perfectly accepting of the fact that he's a bit of a nerd. He isn't about razzle dazzle or party tricks - he's just about doing what he loves and being happy with it. He's also intelligent. No big prizes for wondering why I love him so. His work is so beautiful and offers me such a delight in escape. I have four of his picture books, and have every intention of collecting the rest of them. I someday hope to have on of his prints hung up in my home.


I mean, just look at this page from The Red Tree:



His art speaks to me on a whole different level.

And some of the things he said during his talk shook me. Made me start thinking about my dreams and what I want out of life. Because, I've noticed, some dreams are changing. But some? They're only getting bigger and more insistent.

Love to all who read~

Inspiration

Thursday, May 17, 2012
There has been an alarming pattern occurring in my life over the last few weeks. (Granted, there are quite a few, but this is one that I'm realised just now..) I start the week pretty well. 


Mondays I have acupuncture, do some study, and rest. I see Chris, my most wonderful best friend. Sometimes I see Xin on Mondays too. It's all very restful and lovely.


Tuesdays I've been starting the day in a restful manner, then head to work in the afternoon. I work, have my supervision session with my boss, and then come home. I'm usually quite tired, but okay.


Wednesdays I sometimes go to class in the morning, but lately I've been  taking that time to myself too, unless I have a test. Then there's work in the afternoon, but just for three hours.


By the time Thursday and Friday hit, suddenly I'm exhausted, sick, and low. I can't handle going to work and, if I do go anyway, I feel horrible. Friday also has a class in the afternoon which is difficult to get to, but I have to go because of a presentation (this week, anyway).


Over the weekend, I do my best to recover. I try to rest as much as my body demands, while also trying to get study done. By Monday, I'm usually feeling tired, but okay. Then the whole cycle starts again.
Today, I lie in bed writing this post. I am feeling pretty icky. Not absolutely horrible, but enough that I can't really process very much. My head is pounding, I'm feeling nauseous, everything aches, and my glands feel giant.


And yet, I have been feeling the tricklings of inspiration coming into my private well lately. I have decided to start a new story - in fact I started it last night. I've also decided that I will be posting installments of my writing on either this blog or a new one that I will link to, so that people I know can read my writing. I don't know where this is going to lead me, but I'm following the trail because it lights me up inside.


Health is important to me. Why do I have to keep learning that?

Photos from my Wednesday ^_^

Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Most of these were taken at home during my short break between uni and work.. Enjoy! <3

Gruhh.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012
I believe that I may be expecting too much from friendship. I think I expect more contact than is necessary. The thing is, yes - I've been hurt by friendships before. So, yes, that me affecting the way I interact with my current friends. I've moved past most of a paranoia about people actually wanting to be friends with me, but because I'm stressed lately, stuff is coming back up for me.


But, I feel like I'm working on it. I've realised that I really need to think about what friendship means to me, and what I want from a friendship. From there, I can look at what I'm expecting that's different and try to feel better about things.. If that makes sense.


I'm pretty tired. I've realised I'm quite close to burn-out right now. I woke up angry today, and remained angry for most of the day. Not just about friendships, but about how I'm having to keep pushing myself when I just want to stay in bed for a couple of days. I'm getting there, though. Just gotta keep pushing... and not get so angry. XD


Love~

Photos from my Monday~

Monday, May 14, 2012
I did some study. I had acupuncture. I went to lunch with my darling Xin. I went op-shopping. And now I'm studying in bed again!
Here are photos... (I can't label them properly, but there's chocolate beetroot raw food cake [omg yum.], and beautiful things from op-shopping! <3)

Coping.

Sunday, May 13, 2012
Lately I have been losing at the coping game. The things that usually bring me comfort have not been doing so. I have felt the loom of the cloud of depression, and the thunder rolling in suggesting anxiety and panic.
I have been closer to panic attacks than I care to admit. My body and it's hard-won immune system are showing definite signs of collapse. I know that I should be resting - I KNOW that I should be moving through all my ick and stuck, but there are a few reasons why I can't just yet.
1) semester one of uni will be over in about two weeks. if I can hold on til then and get everything done, that would be great. the fact that I'm working at the same time is difficult...to say the least. but I'm trying.
2) I can't figure out what is really bothering me. I feel like I'm in the labyrinth of my mind, hunting and hunting for the cause of the storms, and I'm just too tired to keep going, but I try anyway. I am close to burnout.
3) I am finding it hard to let go of things. (well, harder than I did find it before.) I did not mention this yesterday because I thought I could let it go, but I saw the x-rays of my spine for the first time yesterday. The images were... alarming. I went into shock for a good hour or so. My chiropractor said that I do have scoliosis - something we always thought possible, but were never sure of - but most of it is compacted into the lower part of my spine. If I had a corresponding upper twist, I would be having trouble breathing, etc., because of my spine. Nevertheless, just looking at the image of my lower back made me want to cry. I didn't realise it was so bad.
4) I'm feeling sick, angry, and, occasionally, ignored. This is mostly a reflection of my inner power going all wonky. The sickness is because I'm pushing my body too hard, but I don't know how to stop right now. I'm beginning to forget things... which is really bothering me. I've forgotten two or three major things in the past week... and when I remembered them I would swear and near on have a panic attack. 


I do notice how this is all sounding - close to burnout, need a break, can't keep going. But I haven't quite figured out how to move through all this in a way that is going to be empowering and rejuvenating for me. So I'm just going to wait until the way reveals itself.


Love~

Facebook withdrawals #2

Saturday, May 12, 2012
Ah dearest blog, how I love you. I love that I'm getting more readers lately (thank you readers! love!) and that I can turn to you and feel EXCITED about expressing myself, rather than feel icky about saying anything in any sort of public forum.


And that, in a nutshell, is why I don't really miss facebook very much lately. It's now been two weeks since I deleted my facebook account (actually, since they leave it 'deactivated' for 14 days before actually deleting it, it will be officially deleted tonight~) and I'm feeling pretty dandy. I've been pretty busy with juggling uni and work, so I feel that I may experience more withdrawals once uni calms down and I have more time to think, but right now I feel okay.


I'm so glad that I have more time for other things, and that I don't have to continuously worry about what's happening in the 'social networking world'. When I think about the fact that I deleted facebook, I just feel healthier and...lighter. I know that some things are missing from my life that I may feel a bit of remorse for them (like knowing when people's birthdays are, or being invited to things, or being able to cheer someone up just for the hell of it), but, overall, I feel my life has benefited from this change.


Anyway, time for some lunch and then many studyings! Love!

Friday Chicken: Study, work, burnout, and other stories~

Friday, May 11, 2012
the bad stuff.


I could separate this into subtitles but I'm being lazy so that just isn't going to happen.
I have been working and studying and then studying some more and then going to uni and also trying to keep my head above water with everything else - listening to my body, being there for friends and such, trying to be kind to myself.
doing it all at the same time is a lot harder than you'd think.
I've been organising little times all through this week where I could rest, but I don't know if it's helping or not. Last week I ended up having three migraines. This week I just ended up waking up on friday (ie. today) and feeling like I couldn't give anyone anything, even if they asked really nicely and said 'please'.
that's mostly the bad stuff.


the good stuff.


material acquisitions like my meditation pillow (awesome!) and plans to acquire more Darren Hayes cds (also putting an ask here that if you find any Darren Hayes cds that aren't "Secret Codes and Battleships" please to be giving them to me/getting them for me/msging me and being like 'oohhh I think I found one!'? <3)
snuggles and being supported by Chris and by Xin.
being lovely and loving towards myself as much as possible, and feeling more connected to myself and my spiritual side because of this.
knowing that this is NOT THE END OF THE WORLD and that I'll GET THROUGH IT.
Oh, also, haircut. haircuts are awesome. my hairdresser is great at what she does - she's excellent. we just don't see eye-to-eye on a few matters. like life. and sexuality. and..well, life. XD but she's great at cutting hair! :D


I am exhausted, so all my planned blog posts may have to wait until I have some brain power to get them out into the world!

Dealing with stress.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Sometimes stress is just there all the time. This last month of uni has been quite crazed for me - and I'm not even half way through it yet (though I'm close!). I love studying, and I really enjoy work, but with it all just impounding on me continuously - pretty much non-stop - lately, I've been having trouble keeping my stress under control.


My main tactics: 



  • acknowledging that the stress is there - that's pretty important for me. If I don't acknowledge that  I'm stressed then it's like I have to keep going and going and going until I drop. Which doesn't work well for me.
  • thinking about why I'm stressed - in terms of this, I don't mean wallowing in it and allowing myself to get even more stressed, I mean consciously taking note of the things that are making me stressed, and also realising that it may not be what is just in front of me - it could be that I'm feeling a bit sick, or that I need a snack, or maybe it's just because my hormones are going crazy! Just realising that it could be something else takes me out of the situation.
  • trying things that bring me happiness - reading blogs I like, journalling, drinking tea, holding a crystal, talking to someone I love, or even just checking my private emails can make me feel better.
  • breathing. focusing on the breath is SO important to me. If I bring my attention to my breath, it's suddenly so much easier to get through things.
  • going for a walk - this is a bit harder now that it's been raining so much, but it's definitely something that still helps.
  • listening to music - this should have been earlier, but the thing is that music is a huge thing to me. it can alter my mood so significantly. I can be perfectly happy and then I listen to a song that tugs at my heartstrings and suddenly it's like I can't stop crying. So picking the RIGHT music is big for me.
  • reading - <3 <3 <3

that's all from me for now. I'm hoping to keep coping with the stress until semester finishes - I'm only going to do two units next semester instead of three which means yay! but hopefully I'll do well enough otherwise :)

love to all who read. <3


Photo-shoot~

Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Just a quick post from my phone with photos from when I was having makeup applied for the photo shoot two weeks ago. Bit tired to add anything else right now!
Thanks goes to Xin for the photos <3

TuneInNotOut

New blog post by yours truly over at TINO. Check it out :)


clicky-click

Love~

Acupuncture adventures #2

Monday, May 7, 2012
So I just got back from my second session of acupuncture. Feeling a bit sore and quite tired... I'm still not entirely sure whether it's having an effect, or whether I even like it, but it's interesting and I'm willing to try it out if it gives me some relief from symptoms.

Lately, because I've been dealing with a lot of stress (lots of Uni assignments + work) my body has been rebelling a bit. I'm having to take more and more time to rest and recuperate - I had about three migraines in five days last week. Not fun. Plus I'm getting a lot of pain in my stomach, and, the one that's really giving me the hint that this is stress related, I'm getting awful ulcers in my mouth. Owie.
I'm trying really hard to plan my week accordingly and treat myself with the utmost care - as much as I can muster. But I still have to fulfil obligations like work and getting assignments done. I must admit that I believe a lot of this stress will go away after all my group work is complete, as my group members are giving me more stress than is necessary. I'm almost at the point where I don't really care of our presentations suck - I just want them over with so I don't have to communicate with my group members again. I can just focus on writing my essays. That's going to be lovely. >dreams<

Anyway, as such, I'm only allowing myself an hour and a half of computer work today. I've already used about half an hour, so I better get onto getting my second powerpoint all done so I can rest for the remainder of the day.. The reason I'm lowering my computer hours is because I find that more computer time = more likelihood of getting a migraine or feeling gross. Plus I sit in front of the computer pretty much the entire time I'm at work, so I need to take a break from it occasionally!

Love to all who read <3

week end, week begin

Sunday, May 6, 2012
I'm going to try and get into a habit of sharing stuff that I found interesting during my week - because often we find so many things that we just stop and stare at, but by the end of the week it's hard to remember what they were!


So, firstly, a blog that I adore: Blessing Manifesting

Then some beautiful music: Oh No, Theodore!

And finally, something that got me through the week (aside from the gorgeous support of my loved ones): Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards - yes, these are oracle cards. I have five decks (FIVE), all different obviously, plus two tarot decks. I love them. I don't live my life by their demand, but I love having something there to assist me, to give me a bit of guidance when I'm feeling lost.


What I'm reading this week: Religion for Atheists by Alain de Botton (find it here for info)


What have you found this week that has inspired you? Helped you through?






This week I'd like: balance. It's what many people are searching for right now.

Facebook withdrawals

Saturday, May 5, 2012
A week ago I deleted facebook. At the time I was feeling quite emotional, upset... even angry. And then when I gave my energy towards something constructive (namely, the removal of something that had been draining my time and energy lately), I felt so much better. Like I could return to my dreams without having to deal with being witty, or having an awesome profile picture, or having the most friends.
I still maintain that facebook is a great place for keeping in contact with people, but I feel so much more freedom since I gave it away.
In reality, you have to disable your profile for two weeks before it's officially deleted - not really good practice for someone that's addicted to social networking sites and could log in at the drop of a hat and cancel the deletion (this is, thankfully, not what I'm like. Any more.)...


So, One Week has gone by. And, while I've had many moments of wanting to log in and post something as a status update, or contact someone I had a dream about, or just generally check what's going on in the world; I've been fine. I'm doing pretty well, actually. I've been a bit sick this week and usually that would mean hours sitting on facebook while I try to come to terms with my decision to stay home from uni or work, but this time it was just - I'm going to rest. Now. Deal with it.
And I did.


Love to all who read!


You'll probably see another Facebook withdrawals post next weekend :)

Missing people~

Friday, May 4, 2012
I've written on the topic of friends many times, but I don't think it's ever something I'm going to move away from.
Different people have different views of what friends should be like. Really, we give our friends a lot of jobs to do, and they (usually) expect the same from us. And when you find a friendship that truly makes you light up, you want to give everything to that cause to keep it going - to keep that light in flame.


My main problem is coming across as clingy (it may not be my main problem, actually, but for argument's sake, let's say it is). I sometimes get 'addicted' to certain friends and can't seem to get enough of them. Like I'm kind of addicted to eating Nando's right now... Spending time with these friends is like a salve for my heart, a boost for my dreams, and a pillow to rest on - all at the same time. I like to think that I'm like that to other people, too.
But when you miss someone, it's so difficult to move through that feeling. When I miss someone, I just want to see them as soon as I can, and then give them many cuddles, or get straight into the 'deep and meaningful' chats. And that's difficult. Because, well, life goes on. My friends are often busy with their own lives, and usually I'm either too sick or too busy to commit to any big things.
So I go on missing them. And that's okay - it shows that I still care about them. But I'm still learning how to deal with it and recognise it as HEALTHY, rather than needy.


Love to those who read <3

Lunch-date

Thursday, May 3, 2012
Today, my wonderful boyfriend made lunch, picked me up from work and took me to a lovely picnic spot where we ate his homemade risotto, drank apple juice (that he very cutely brought in a thermos) and watched birds swim around in the lake-y-type-thing.
He also gave me a massage to help with my recovery from my migraine. Best boyfriend ever.
Here's some pictures of the lovely picnic spot ^_^

Permission to rest.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012
I had big plans to write a post about gender roles and their potrayal in the media today, but that's been thrown out the window (or at least placed gently to the side) for now, as I ended up having a migraine.
I recognised the signs during my second class of the day - I was having trouble concentrating on what they lecturer was saying and wanted nothing more than to put my head down on the desk and have it magickly turn into my bed (at home.. not in the lecture theatre. that would be weird! XD). I had a bit of a relaxing time after the class finished while I was waiting for my mum to finish work (carpool!), and was just reading a lovely book.


I have really begun to learn how to listen to my body and it's demands. I know when it really needs rest, and when I can push through. I also know when there are times that pushing through will result in much pain later on.
But in terms of actually DOING something about these things, I'm still learning.
See, there are people out there that don't listen to their bodies at all. They push and they push until suddenly they get sick and they turn around and go "but I NEVER get sick!". They don't know how to deal with this new situation.
And then there are others, like me, who have learnt to listen to their bodies. (Mostly because they're shouting at us XD). I'm not saying everyone in the world fits neatly into these two categories of people, by the way, just bear with me here.
We can hear that our bodies are saying 'it's time to rest now!' 'wouldn't lying down be a good idea right about now?', and so on and so forth. But sometimes we try to reason with it. "If I can just get this bit of homework done", "if I can just finish the housework" - we feel we need to EARN this rest, so we won't feel as guilty when we take it.
There's many issues in Western society surrounding the notion of 'entitlement'. Advertising shouts at us that we deserve a chocolate break, we deserve a holiday with that bottle of ice-cold beer, and what about that lovely luxury icecream that we deserve because we've been WORKING SO HARD. Our ideals surrounding entitlement and deserving things has been warped. We will treat ourselves to chocolate and then feel bad about it later.
But what about when rest is truly needed? We don't know what to do with ourselves. How can we possibly rest? What does that even mean? Does it mean throwing ourselves down in front of the television and watching our 'guilty pleasure' (another phrase I dislike) programs til our eyes cross? Is it sleeping all the time?


I had more of a rant planned for this but my migraine is returning, so I'll just leave you with this. If you were to rest RIGHT NOW, what would you do?


Love to all who read. <3



VPA: understanding and shinyness

Tuesday, May 1, 2012
haven't written a VPA in some time! anyway, thanks go to Havi of The Fluent Self for coming up with amazing awesome wonderful ideas for destuckification.


thing one: flowwww
what I want: things are really heating up in terms of my uni work, and I'm needing a lot more time of being focused and knowing what I want/need to do.
I'd like this to be ease-filled, and for me also to know when taking a breaking is essential.
ways this could work: I could come up with a schedule - 45 minutes of study, 15 minutes break or something like that. I'll need to play with it as my body doesn't tend to operate on human time very well XD
I could have a sign that says 'do not disturb!' or something similar for getting study done.
I could have a look at my work schedule and see how I can play with it to make it work better for me and my 'peak times' of study.
I'll play with...: yoga. meditation. reward systems (need a better word for this?). lowering the amount of things asking for stuff from me.


thing two: clarity
what I want: So I'm working on a lot of things lately. The way I communicate with people, the way I react to people, my default mood, etc. Lots and lots of things.
And I'd just like a little push in the right direction. I think I'm going pretty well so far (at least, I'm feeling positive effects and LOVING them), but I'd just like to put the ask out there for some lovely guidance.
ways this could work: someone could recommend a book to me that will just CLICK. or it could fall in my lap. or I could trip over it.
I can write everything out and have a look from a different point of view and see how things move.
I'll play with...: being calm. noticing emotions as they arise and giving them permission to be there. listening to my heart.


thing three: silent retreat.
what I want: This one is a bit more personal, so I'm going to silent retreat.
I'll play with: understanding. flipping my perspective. distance and closeness. telling it like it is.


updates since last time...
well, I haven't written one of these since the 4th of February, but here are updates:

I wanted to feel less ick and sickly, and I did! With the help of some rest, my naturopath, and just generally taking good care of myself.
I wanted to work on gaining back my inner light, and I'm pretty sure I got there. Hanging onto it is a bit difficult still, but I'm understanding better what needs to happen for me to have it around. :)
Finally, I wanted some work clothes, and I got some! But I kind of need some more... another op-shopping trip might be in the works after uni finishes! <3
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