YEH. I actually went over the word count.... either I'll clean it up a bit more and hope it comes down a bit, or I will hope for the extra 10% either side of 2000. XD
Sexology Individual Paper: Progress
Saturday, April 30, 2011
YEH. I actually went over the word count.... either I'll clean it up a bit more and hope it comes down a bit, or I will hope for the extra 10% either side of 2000. XD
Sexology Individual Paper: Progress
Almost there! Almost there! 89%!!!! I could stop now if I wanted to... but I don't. XD
Sexology Individual Paper: Progress
yeah. that's right. I'm awesome. and getting there! ^_^ and enjoying it somewhat...
Sexology Individual Paper: Progress
Well, here we are again! I seem to not be able to get started earlier than 12ish... Hmm. Anyway. I am hoping to go out to a friend's house for some tea and catching up this afternoon/evening - and as such am hoping to get the rest of this writing done (or at least up to the conclusion) before I go. So then Sunday would just be about editing and getting my washing done XD
Here is starting point:
(three words less because I did some basic editing of the intro) I will continue updating when I think of it! Not sure anyone's actually reading, but it's a good motivator!!
Here we go!
Here is starting point:
(three words less because I did some basic editing of the intro) I will continue updating when I think of it! Not sure anyone's actually reading, but it's a good motivator!!
Here we go!
Sexology Individual Paper: Progress
euch... you are taking so longggg. XD granted I've been distracted by having a cold and by the royal wedding... ehehe ^^;
freakouts and withdrawals
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Ah yes. Facebook withdrawals. How I remember you. The last time I did this, it was during exams, and it was so much easier to forget you existed. But now? What with feeling sick and not being able to move forward with my assignment well enough for my mind... well. You have come to visit one too many times.
I am sure I'll be fine. I have today, and then Friday through Sunday to get this assignment done. Then even some of Monday if I need it. This is fine. This is okay. But why do I feel like I should have more done by now? I have a decent (more than decent, I'd like to say) plan for writing, I have notes and references (that do need finishing off..), and I have started writing the intro already. But 2000 words do not come easily to me... not usually. So I guess I'm a little stressed that my writing will not be up to standard. I always have this fear. Since my writing has always been a bit...less than I want - in academic situations. Perhaps I ought to come up with a tactic for talking/negotiating with this writing monster, since she tends to paralyse me a little.
The other thing stopping me from writing right now is a little headcold, which is joined by joyous lethargy. I did NOT want to get out of bed this morning. I just wanted to sleep, and rest. The only thing I vaguely wished to do was get the book I want to read from the library... Ah motivation. You are a fickle mistress.
Anyway. breakfast. and then maybe some study. XD
thoughts and feelings.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
I get the vibe that ALL my posts should have this title.
Anyway. Recently, Xin and I house-sat for a few friends while they were at a convention. It was the third time we've done it for them, and I usually really enjoy it. They have many lovely pets, each with beautiful personalities and different ways of showing affection. And I think they're really starting to warm to us! XD However, this time round, as much as I still enjoyed the experience, I was quite out of it and sick. I couldn't sleep much at all, which meant that Xin was worried and would stay up with me to keep me company - it was lovely, but I hated putting him through that strain since he gets really delirious when he's even a little tired.
It was quite late by the time the house-owners returned, but it was clear that they were as exhausted (if not more so) as us, so we just chatted and hugged for a bit before heading home. I followed Xin home since he gets quite 'drift-y' when he drives tired, and then I drove home myself.
Since then I haven't really recovered. My tiredness started getting ridiculous, and I've been sort of half-blacking-out over the past four days. I've been checking my blood pressure, and it's on the low side. The lowest it's been so far was something like 106 over 57, which apparently means I need to consult my doctor. My mum is worried since she's suffered with high blood pressure (as has my Nana), so she doesn't want me to have to deal with either end of the spectrum.
Blah. anyway. I've trying to stay positive and hopeful about things, especially since I have an assignment due next Monday. I'm quite happy with my progress on it, though I had hoped to have more done by now. I have banned myself from Facebook for the time being, since it mostly just distracts me, so withdrawal symptoms on that are a bit rife XD
I'm so happy right now since I spent some time with Xin today, and we talked through our assignments an it just made me feel a lot better. Plus it's raining right now!! :D (the timer thing on my blog is a bit weird, so if it doesn't say it correctly, it's 11:50PM right now..)
I'm hoping to get rest and study done tomorrow, and make some progress toward getting my second draft done and such. And hopefully less dizzy and headacheyness! And a visit to the library!:D
Ah optimism. You're a beautiful thing.
tired of wanting.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
I am so. so. so. tired of wanting. wanting more from some people in relationships. wanting less/more space/more compassion from others. wanting to know how to approach these situations to lessen or prevent any awkwardness. wanting to know myself better and to understand my emotions. wanting intimacy. wanting love. wanting connection.
i'm also tired of material wants. i am tired of being scared that i'll never get anywhere in life because of my health and my lack of saving abilities. i am tired of feeling out-of-place even when i'm right where i want to be.
i am tired of wanting to figure out people, and how i can get close to them. i'm tired of wanting them to reach out, to make an effort, to CARE. i am tired of wanting the pain to go away. i am tired of wanting something better, but also wanting space to figure that out in what feels like a crowded world.
i am tired of not knowing what i want; knowing what i want and not having it.
the majority of my needs are met. where is the want to go?
A very belated and out-of-sync Friday Chicken
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Okay, so I haven't written in... ten days? Wow. that's a bit.. hmm. And the last post was so depressing too! Contrary to the date on it, it was actually written very early in the morning of the First of April. Just in case you wanted to know! XD
Okay, so let this be a Ten Day Sum-up Chicken.
bad stuff.
So much ick and HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) and unsure moments. I was having trouble finding where I was going anymore, and why I couldn't do things that 'normal' people can do. It was hard and horrible.
Sick. So much sick. CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) 'attacks' (because that's all I can call them) of feeling so heavy that driving seemed ridiculously dangerous. Walking did too. TONSILLITIS. O.o first time I've ever had that and it seems to like me a lot. Flus and colds and sickness ick and bleurgh of all kinds.
Misunderstandings with people about why I can't do stuff. Feeling guilty for no real reason. Feeling worthless and helpless and terrible.
Having to go out when I feel AWFUL. Having to take more painkillers than I want to..
good stuff.
I bought many things that helped! Firstly, the Monster Manual and Colouring Book - so lovely. I have yet to do colourings, but the Manual has helped me chat to my monsters more effectively. It has calmed me muchly. (Thankyou Havi <3 - The Fluent Self Blog)
BOOKS. I have purchased many secondhand books! I read a book about reading! (One of my favourite kinds. It was comforting and lovely). Books about addictions (depressing but beautiful). The book about addiction led me to buy a beautiful copy of the Tao te Ching, which I love already. It requires more thought and deliberation than I first expected, but I still love the sense of calm it gives me.
My new bag! This was the most retail-therapy style thingamy. But it is beautiful It's a Bluebird bag! I love Bluebird bags... And it's entirely synthetic, but looks like leather, and I carry it everywhere and it feels like it's part of me and I love that! Plus it has room for my wallet, all my medication, my books (don't feel safe without one!) and my little book of musings and favourite pen :D AND LOLLIES. It has lollies and biscuits in it. Every bag (aside from maybe those belonging to someone who doesn't like or can't eat biscuits and lollies) should have them!
Friendships and chats and tea and loves! Unexpected and beautiful chats with J-kitty, and T!! Yay T. I haven't spoken to T properly in awhile! And catching up with K and C. AND WRITING! I started writing again. Yay!
And new haircut! So short, but feels right. Feels me-ish. :) Feels good.
Okay that's enough. Today is a grumpy day and I need rest. I desperately do. But I will be studying in bed. And reading more if my eyes start working. >blah< BLAH. <3
Friday, April 1, 2011
Dear Millie,
Today would have been your birthday. Let's see... I think you would have been turning 11. Not that we ever did anything huge on your birthday. I'd slip you a couple of extra treats, usually, but other than that we'd maybe consider getting you a new toy to destroy.
I miss you. I'm starting to forget... and yet part of me forces me to remember. I think it's mostly guilt. Or something to with how I see myself and my values. What happened to you was completely at odds with them. And on some level I still feel like I can't deal with it. It's almost been a year now, and I still can't think of you without feeling too many intense emotions.
I hate what we did to you. I hate it so much. I hate that I question myself about it almost every day. I hate that I compare you and Bronte so often in my mind and out loud. I hate that I keep trying to convince myself that what we did was the right thing. I hate that you aren't here anymore.
I hope one day you can forgive me. And that I can forgive myself.
Love always,
Bethwyn.
